Category Archives: Life

You Might be a Martial Artist if…

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You might be a martial artist if…

…The sight of bruises on the opposite sex is oddly arousing.
…You plan vacations around tournaments and belt tests.
…You’ve ever been caught miming abbreviated kata while waiting in line.
…Your family is not concerned when you come home covered in bruises.
…You’ve schedule dates around training.
…You’ve ever brushed your teeth in horse-stance.
…You close doors and operate switches with your feet.
…Your Best Man has given you more than a few black eyes.
…You’ve traversed an empty hallway walking through in a forward stance.
…You consider combat-effectiveness when choosing daily attire.
…Normal people wearing “Tapout” apparel make your eyes roll.
…You criticize fighting technique in action flicks.
…Half your Facebook friends are people you’ve fought.
…You answered “Osu!” at the altar.

Did I miss any?

 

 

Osu!

Motivational Fitness Quotes Part 2

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Every now and again my commitment to staying fit wanes; I stop waking up early to train, I stop refusing cakes, cookies, or other delicious things, and I often spend too much time with my PlayStation at the expense of my gi and dumbells. At times like these I will often reach for some inspiration to relight the fire inside me and get me back to doing what I need to do. I’ve saved some of my favorites that I have found across the web (I don’t own any of these images, of course) and I’d like to share them with you all in hopes that they light a fire inside you too.

 

1. Do you do flat palm push-ups? Or knuckle push-ups?

 

2. Yesterday I saw a woman in her 60′s wearing a t-shirt with this phrase. Made me smile.

 

 

 

3. It is so easy to be on the right side of this split; cynicism comes to most of us like breathing.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

4. Truest thing I’ve heard all day.

 

5. Even though I have never been in the kind of shape pictured below, I think this one might be my favorite.

 

 

What you do when you need to light a fire under your ass. Post it in the comments!

 

 

Osu!

The Decline of Men

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WARNING: STREAM-OF-CONSCIOUSNESS RANT ALERT!!!!!

 

As a boy and adolescent in the US with two working parents I consumed a fair deal of television growing up. And now that I am in my late 20′s I observe what passes for entertainment in my country and find myself disgusted that my gender, as represented on the screen, has completely abdicated the position of respect. But in this case does “art imitate life”? Or does “life imitate art”?

 

In your country it may be different, but watch 5 minutes of nearly any program in the United States and you will see what I mean. Men, and it is typically the leading man or an important support character (or both) are complete fools! They are weak minded, over-sized babies who are barely competent to hold down the floor, much less a job. (And for all of you ladies who believe “Well men ARE over-sized babies” you are part of the problem). In programs like these the family or the household is typically held together by the smart, savvy, and sexy full-time employed wife and mother who swoops in in the last 7 minutes of the program to save the day from her man-child husband’s shenanigans with JUST enough time left over for the husband to realize that his wife really is “always right”.

So this is what the world expects of my gender? Am I supposed to expect my wife to change my future-child’s diapers AND my own? Worse yet, will my some-day-daughter grow up to believe that the majority of eligible men are a reflection of Doug Heffernan from “King of Queens”; and my some-day-son learn that the world expects so little of him that all he need do to beat the curve is to not dribble food on his clothing while he eats?

 

Now, having had this conversation with my female friends the common response is usually “So? This is how TV treated women for decades. You’d rather TV treat the genders like it used to?”

No. The way women used to be commonly portrayed in television was just as wrong and I’d hold the same stance if every woman were portrayed to have the same level of competence as Lucy & Ethel – all due respect.

I get it though, every joke has a victim: Blondes, Mexicans, Jews, Asians, Blacks, Men, Women, etc. But after so many years of repeated themes in prime time television there was a saturation point where I had, in part, concluded that what we see is the end result of a combination of our cultural acceptance of the denigration of my gender, along with the fact that males are apparently last bastion that writers may systemically insult at and not be sued or loose sponsors due to public outcry of sexism.

(Personally, I am inclined to believe it is also simply lazy writing. What writer can’t create a by-the-numbers concept about an inept man who’s wife/girlfriend/mother repeatedly bails him out?)

 

“Big Deal”, I’ve heard. “Just don’t watch TV. Or pick the right shows. Not every show is like that. And after all, no one believes what they see on ‘The King of Queens’ or ‘Everybody Loves Raymond’” is what it’s like in real life.

I beg to differ.

There is an adage that goes “Tell a lie enough times and it will become Truth”. Ask a woman or minority in the media industry how big of a win it is to have one of their creed cast as a respectable character. Because of the far reaching nature of television it shows everyone outside of that group that there is more to them than what they may think. (Frankly, we shouldn’t need “Law and Order” to tell us this, but that’s another topic). Well the opposite holds true, too. So when the endemic message on the most widely watched programs is that men are fat, stupid, unreliable, and lazy then that message begins to pervade opinions in real life and becomes “Truth”.

For example, years ago I announced on my lunch break that I was was getting married. After the initial ‘congrats’ many of my female coworkers joked that my wife is going to have a big job trying “train me right”. And as the news got around similar remarks were made by many more of my female coworkers. All of this despite the fact that, as a man, I have never given any indication that I was in need of domestic education. It was simply the expectation. It was common knowledge. It was “Truth“.

 

Don’t worry, though, I didn’t come here just to whine. I also came with solutions. It will be tough, though. But that’s OK; “tough” used to be something that people thought characterized my gender anyway.

But first the easy part. Tell TV stations what we think with our remote controls – change the channel (or better yet, turn it off and go train). Don’t give your time to programs that try to teach society that you are stupid or that your wife is also your mother (“Swamp People” excluded).

Now for the hard part, which is three-fold. First we (this means you, fellas) must expect more of ourselves and reject the brainwashing that you are lazy, unreliable, and incompetent. Second, we must live up to this new expectation. This means being fit, healthy, intelligent, and handy. And you’re not alone in this endeavor. There are tons of books and websites that describe what a Man should be like. Find one that suits you. You can start with the Art of Manliness.

And third, here is the big one, guys, fight for the respect of those around you. This means you must oppose false stereotypes. In the end you will be arguing with a lot of women and some men and educating them as to why they are wrong. And this, to the more unfortunate of you, may mean a number of nights on the couch (and on that topic, WHY THE HELL HAVE YOU GIVEN YOUR WIFE THE AUTHORITY TO KICK YOU OUT OF YOUR OWN BED?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!)

And lastly, one word of caution, guys. Don’t swing the pendulum too far the other way. Earning respect doesn’t happen when, in doing so, you’re trying to take it from others. You must lead by example. Ya dig?

 

 

Osu!

Congestive Heart Failure

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This weekend I got a phone call from my mom telling me that my grandmother has just been picked up by EMT and taken to the hospital for shortness of breath; which a short time later was diagnosed as congestive heart failure.

Let me pause here and say that shes OK and she’ll be home tomorrow.

When my wife and I went to see her she was awake and alert, if still short of breath, which all in all was a relief. But as she and my wife spoke I looked her over. She was looking old, too old, even for seventy-nine. Oxygen tube in her nose feeding her the air she couldn’t get on her own, needles in her arm keeping her hydrated, sensors on her chest measuring her heart beat – waiting for the slightest hesitation, and a constant stream of nurses to make sure of things that are beyond my familiarity. And as I took all this in I started to become mired in thoughts of life, death, and our tenuous grasp here on Earth.

By the time we needed to leave I didn’t have any revelation; nor did I really expect any. But because I always try to find the good in the bad (even when there is no good to be found) I did manage to find an emotion that was useful.

Of the amalgam of feelings churning through me what I felt most, after relief, was gratitude. Grateful to live in one of the few countries the the world where this kind of treatment is so close to home. Grateful that medical science has saved her life more than six times though the decades. Grateful for every cardiologist, pulmonologist, and nephrologist who has ever contributed to their field. And grateful that I’ll have the chance to share some more time on Earth with her.

 

I felt grateful that I’ve still got my Nana.

 

 

Osu.

“You’re not a ‘REAL’ Martial Artist”

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This kid's parents are awesome!

I once heard someone say that, “You’re not a ‘real’ martial artist until training imbues all aspects of your life”. Now, I dunno about you but coming from whom I heard it that sounded like, at best, the stuff of BAD anime and, at worst, the kind of ego-driven drivel that is so rampant in the fighting arts – the kind of tripe that makes outsiders to the arts gape in awe and insiders roll their eyes in disgust.

However, I will concede that I can find a kernel of truth to this. I explored this idea during my week long Beach Training and have further expounded upon it in the succeeding weeks. And I have concluded that there is value in finding ways to train while performing menial day-to-day tasks. Let me say, first, that this is a banal Truth. But what I often seek is to experience Truth rather than just believing it when it is told.

And so, I have assembled my 11 favorite ways I’ve been able to sneak in training while at home or work. Now, for you hardcore-shugyo-purists, you may have to expand your definition of ‘training’, but read on anyway.

These have been listed and denoted with what I like to call a ‘Freak Factor’. This will tell you how strange you may look to random passersby. They range from 0 (‘Nothing out of the ordinary’) to 10 (‘Call the asylum. I think someone escaped’).

 

1. Take kiba dachi while brushing teeth – Freak Facor: N/A (Your family already knows you’re a lunatic).

This is one of my favorites. I have an electric toothbrush that runs for 2 minutes and let me tell you, it is a loooong 2 minutes when your legs are burning.

 

2. Take stairs everywhere (take two at once if you’re tall enough) – Freak Factor: N/A (No one will see you because no one takes the stairs).

Taking the stairs is a great way to work your quads. I work on the 2nd floor and I NEVER use the elevator if I can help it.

 

3. If you wear a cordless headset, stand up and walk around as you talk – Freak Factor: 1

This is a real covert one and won’t raise any eyebrows among your colleagues. I don’t really want to call this “training”. But when you’re at work and tied to a phone, I think just about anything you can do to get moving should count for something.

 

4. When you’re on hold, perform isometrics of core muscles – Freak Factor: 1

This one is very easy since the only outward sign that you’re doing anything would be that you’re face should turn a little red.

 

5. Open doors with various shuto (knife hand) strikes – especially push-to-open doors – Freak Factor: 3

I like this exercise because it allows me to practice with my targeting and make sure I am striking with the correct part of my hand. And as a bonus, it is almost unnoticeable to those around you.

 

6. One-leg calf lifts while I wait for the copier/fax machine – Freak Factor: 4

I’ll usually do 10-20 of these depending on how much time I’ve got. And you can combine this with Number 3, too.

 

7. Chair dips off the edge of desk – Freak Factor: 6

Oddly enough, the people around me don’t seem to react as strongly to this as they do some of my other exercises. Or maybe they’re just getting used to my strange behavior.

 

8. Stand in Nekoashi Dachi (Cat Stance) while typing at your computer – Freak Factor: 7

For this one, I’ve got to put a small box on my desk so that I can reach my keyboard and mouse. But it is a great workout for the legs.

 

9. Perform push ups while leaning against edge of desk – Freak Factor – 8

Again, this one has gotten me some weird glances from coworkers.

 

10. Place your foot on your desk and perform hamstring and groin stretches – Freak Factor: 10

It sort of makes me look like a ballerina (especially since I take my shoes off to do it). And has gotten me more than a few “What the hell?” looks from my coworkers. But flexibility is something I struggle to achieve; so I will practice anywhere I can.

 

11. Visualize yourself going through Kata or drills while you’re in a dull meeting – Freak Factor: 0

I love this one…Totally stealth training. I have been in hour long meetings and gotten through all my Kata and much of my Kihon drills too. I highly suggest you try it.

 

True that I get some odd looks every now and again (especially because they don’t know that I am a karateka) – and I recognize that not everyone works in an office environment where doing these is possible or are willing to look as publicly foolish as I am. But I’ve always felt that if you can make a stranger think, “What the…?”, then you must be on to something good.

 

 

Osu!